The Math of Love: How Online Dating Platforms Use Data to Find Your Perfect Match

– The preceding was a sponsored post. You can read up on our disclosure statement here. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Advert, Online Dating, Special Welcome to another edition of ‘Ask the Urban Dater.’ Today’s question comes from Heather-Jen Akins… And she simply asks: “What do guys do when they get lonely?” Hmm. I’m not sure what all other guys do; it’s obviously different. Although, I imagine watching Battlestar Galactica’s Epic Battle Montage along with masturbating to Sofia Vergara pics is near the top of the list.ashleyjade bongacams hiiiilee Look, dating can be shitty. Just. Fucking. Shitty. True fact. Even though the chase, for guys is fun, sometimes it’s a fucking downer. You can have a month or more of pretty much having your pick of the pussy. A guy is not spoilt for choice during these feasting times.

I know, because that asshole has been me. There’s more than a few reasons why I was having fun dating. It was nice meeting other women who were interested in me, that would respond to what I was saying, that I could charm… Definitely an ego boost. However, nothing was ‘working’ in terms of getting a relationship going. Sure, sure. I’ve said that I don’t want anything “complicated” and, for the most part that’s still true. I DO have fun dating… It’s what works with my schedule and, really, is about all i could handle. Going on these dates has gotten me blue-balled a couple of times. It can go with the territory and so it goes in mine. In other words I’ve had my fun and also seen myself through some frustrating moments with a couple women in particular. I needed to slow down I thought; but instead, I went on a few more dates because I’ve been getting a lot of attention on the good ol’ OkCupid after my recent profile revamp. I was really tearing through these dates and I’d gotten more comfortable… One might even say I’d become a bit cocky.

Each of these dates I’d kissed the women after our date was over and each time they said they wanted to see me again… Wow, totally awesome, right? Wrong! Wrong because I truly wasn’t interested… In short, I was wasting their time. I went out with some genuinely nice women; women who are smart and pretty. Very pretty in more than a few cases. So what the fuck, dude? Why isn’t this the best thing ever? Let me tell you… I’m still going home to an empty bed I have friends with families, some with kids, some with their significant others, animals and probably a goddamned Kimodo Dragon… They all have something/someone to go home to… Not me. I made that bed myself and I don’t regret it, however, I’m just fucking lonely and when I can’t fill my mind with women who think I’m: “this, that and the other,” that I don’t have any feelings for I’m left to personal devices; personal thoughts… Those thoughts bring me down, way the fuck down. It’s not that I think I’m worthless and it’s not that I don’t think I’m a good fella (even though, I can be a bit of a dick sometimes), it’s that I wonder if I’ll ever truly find someone that i could love again and who will love me. I could tell you that I believe that I will. I do.

At my core, I’m a good guy. I’d like to think my friends and family think I’m alright. I’m not horrible to look at today and I’m motivated, but I’m not perfect and, frankly none of it matters. I have an irrational fear of being alone and that, in part, is why I keep going on dates with women. I get to ‘forget’ for a while about the fact that I’m lonely. When I’m on a date, most times, I feel pretty awesome. I feel like I’m and fun. Then there are times like last night. I went out with a beautiful RN. I couldn’t charm one genuine smile out of that girl and it’s not for a lack of trying, nor was it her fault. She just wasn’t in to me. That’s it. I didn’t stutter, I didn’t call her a ‘broad‘ three times. No, she just knew within minutes that I wasn’t her ‘type’ and, if I’m being honest, she probably knew that before we even went out… It’s dates like that, that lend me some insight, some pause, if you will. I asked myself today: “What the fuck, man?” What is your deal? What’s your problem?

I’m fucking lonely. If weren’t lonely would my date have been better? No. I still would have been less interesting than a plate of cheese. That’s not the point; the point is that I have this fear of being alone; I’m afraid to sort my thoughts and feelings out. Why? Because I don’t know what I fucking want and that bothers Do I want kids?

Relationship Reality

Eh… It swings one way to the next. Do I want a relationship, a serious one? The answer can change with the amount of times I change my C-String, once a fucking week. Do I want to just have meaningless sex? I’ve done that and It’s gotten boring. I need to un-fuck myself in the head. Really. Because right now, I’m not dealing with being lonely real well… And that’s a problem.   Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook27Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Ask the Urban Dater, Dates & Details, Self We’re back with another edition of “Ask the Urban Dater,” where I attempt to give good/decent/shitty advice to random folks who read this, here, blog. Today’s question comes from Arlene Jaime Lynn Sigfreud, of Grand Rapids, Michigan. She writes: I’m 47, why is it so many men my age are after the 25-30 year olds? (I mean besides the obvious tight body, winkle-free face).

Don’t these guys realize that these women will someday want children? Hello? Do you want a screaming baby when you’re 55? I’m attractive, out-going and smarter-than-hell!! Why isn’t that enough? Oh, I am also financially stable. And also, the men that are hitting on me are 65 or older. I want someone my age! Arlene, I feel you.

Really. Well, not about the part with old men hitting on me. Though, that happened at a gay bar once. A story for another time… Moving along. There’s no mystery here, Arlene. Men around your age, mid-forties to mid-fifties, still think like an 18 year old. Sure, they may have gained command of their finances; make better overall decisions, but at the end of the day, they’re dirty old men who were once dirty young men. The only difference is it’s not any longer as cute now that they’re older. True story. Often, older men have something that younger women seek. Women in the 25 to 30 range may find it difficult to find a man of their own age to connect with on an emotional and even developmental level. That is, they want someone who’d fucking mature. That’s where you’ll see younger women get up for an older man. Older men will seek out younger women because they know they have something these women seek.

Sometimes it’s purely financial and the older man understands and accepts that the green-backs ensure the affections of a younger woman. Other times, though, a younger woman is able to relate simpler to an older man. And older man may not want to deal with the “baggage” that experience brings: Grown children, health issues, emotional scars etc. There’s a perception among older men, at least those I’ve spoken with, that have dated younger women that these women tend to be “less complicated.” So, you see, it’s not always about a tighter firmer ass! Can I tell you, Arlene, I met a woman this past weekend, at a 5k I ran, who is 52 years old. She looked amazing (and had some of the best legs I’ve seen in a loooong time) and we were running side by side for a good portion of the race and the last quarter mile she turned up the accelerators and whooped my ass… Hot! She approached me after to ask me about the running app I was using to track my mileage. We talked and in complimenting her on her run she told me her age and I replied: “I think you should take me for a drink for what you just did to my ego.” She laughed and said: “Oh, my boyfriend would be jealous. I couldn’t, I’m afraid.” I asked her if this boyfriend of hers could “keep up.” She smiled and stepped away as we exchanged good-byes.

Now, I’m 36 and I would do unspeakably dirty things to that woman… Go ahead and judge me, but older women do age like a fine wine. If older men are passing such women up, they’re missing out. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Ask the Urban Dater, Dates & Details Love isn’t Free. Materially or metaphorically, it isn’t. Here are four characteristics of why money isn’t the only thing but is in fact, a thing in relationships. It Depends On Your Lifestyle She’s dripping with Gucci and you can’t do without Armani. Then you share similar lifestyles and the similar incomes to sustain them. You could also both be college students feasting on cup ramen and hanging out with the roommates. Similar economic backgrounds, similar life goals make relationships develop more fluidly. There’s more shared mutual understanding and mutual expectations of what’s considered ‘acceptable’ or ‘frivolous’ spending. Investing isn’t the same as Investment I strongly believe that the most reliable and most universal measurement of a quality relationship is time.

How much time does your partner invest in you? Time is money for the affluent. But time is time for anyone and everyone else. Time is time you could be spending on sleep, on others, at your job, with friends, with things, with yourself. The most singular valuable expenditure a man or woman can give you is their time. Finance isn’t always Independence It’s hard to fathom that statement but think about it.

How to be “That Girl” All The Guys Want

Money could be his family’s or the government’s. She could be owned by the grants that fund her research, or the shares that her company request. The heir, investor, or CEO gets entrenched with the company’s values, goals, and expectations, aka your relationship’s own personal values, goals, and expectations.

The self-made man could both be free and lucratively independent but just also, as the freegan or political, modest activist. The man who chooses to live on the land, the minimalist, the conglomerate “ex-son,” the banished artist, the ladder-climbing employee, can all still be way more independent. Ask yourself, if they are someone who can carry on their and that can easily start again if their empire (aka steady income) abruptly disappeared. “You think you gotta keep me iced ( )You think I’m gonna spend your cash ( I won’t)Even if you were brokeMy love don’t cost a thingThink I wanna drive your Benz (I don’t)If I wanna floss I got my ownEven if you were brokeMy love don’t cost a thing”Jennifer Lopez “My like Don’t Cost A Thing.” Gendernomics There’s some form of a saying, a potential and probably folksy myth on sex and money. It’s crude, but it’s worth mentioning, if not to stimulate thought. It is as the follows: “When women get richer, they need less men. Whereas, when men get richer, they need more women.” Historically (doesn’t mean it’s right), men have been the breadwinners and power-stirrers of a relationship or marriage. Now in today’s society, where women can be the sole head of the household and men the care-takers, what does it say about our new plane of courting and dating? Money and sex appeal (youth) are equally looked for by both genders.

It just becomes way more diverse when “traditional roles” are interchanged along with the “traditional” courting. An older, rich, beautiful independent woman ends up still single while a financially struggling, yet young, handsome, and charming man may still attract multiple women non-stop. Bottom Line Jen only didn’t want to spend her beau’s cash because well, she’s stashed. It might have been totally different if she wasn’t. Supporting and financially investing in each other is sure as heck still important, across all economic demographics. It’s effort that should be measured proportionately to circumstance. You’ll have success as a couple when both are comfortable in their roles and levels of liberty in the relationship. Both are getting something more substantial than the ‘gendernomic’ exchange and both want to invest the most valuable expenditure of all: time. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Online Dating, Opinion, Tips & Advice Tagged in: #gender, #power, #relationship #love #passion #ideas, money Let’s set the scene people. You’ve got a upcoming date with someone new, you guys have texted and messaged back and forth feverishly. You have some stuff in common and already have an “inside joke.” The pressure to impress is on!

What do you do? Where do you go? You can’t just go somewhere normal, now. Fortunately, for you, I’ve come up with some ideas that will bake your noodle. Take Your Date on a Rigorous Hike Sure, working up a sweat is kinda hot. But nothing will make your date, if they’re female, feel sexier than dripping sweat after hiking up hills for miles and miles. While this isn’t the worst idea in the world, it’s also not super great and that can put a damper on your plans afterward. How? Well, what the hell would you do once you’re done with your hike? Towel each other off? You guys haven’t even had sex! That seems like a wasted opportunity. Then what do you guys do from there? Change into your regular clothes after sweating up a storm? You’re still gross and nasty, but now you’re in regular clothes. No, this has bad idea written all over it.

Save rigorous workouts for you second or third date—or for first-date sexy-time. Hanging Out in Traffic This one seems a bit vague doesn’t it? Nowadays it’s pretty customary to meet up your date at an agreed-upon safe and public venue. That should be a given. Also, no one loves traffic. No one. So when thinking about meeting up with your date try to think a bit about traffic and how that might affect your travel times. I’ve met up with a date and then we had to make a drive that was maybe 10 miles up the 101fwy and should have been a 15-minute drive. Because traffic, we ended up taking almost 40 minutes! Yikes! Now, something we could have done was just meet specifically at the venue we were going to or taken a Uber or a Lyft, in that way we could have focused more on chatting with one another, which will be always a challenge when one person is focused on driving and not getting you both killed in a fiery car crash. Taking Your Date to a Violent Movie… Only to Find Out They Are a Pacifist As a general rule, movies are really a bad first-date idea. But if you do go that route, it’s a good idea to know whether or not your date will appreciate the sort of movie you chose. Say, if your date is a pacifist, taking them to see Hotel Rwanda, the Raid 2 or, John Wick that’s probably going to end horribly. I mean, first off, we know that violence doesn’t solve anything, even though it looks really cool on-screen.

Your “advocate for peace” date will probably resort to some form of non-verbal/violent protest. Bonus tip: If your date is feminist you’ll probably want to refrain from sending any videos that are disrespectful of women in any way. Say you send her a video of Robocop shooting off a bunch of dicks. You think “well, that’s kinda funny.” Just know you’re wrong. These men are having their cocks shot off at the expense of women being assaulted! A big no-no! Just. Don’t! Taking Your Date to a place you Frequent… With OTHER Dates! If you live in a small town or smaller metro area this can be pretty common as interesting date places can be in short supply. However, if you, like me, live in a larger metro area then there’s really no excuse to keep going to the same place over and over again. In LA, there’s really no excuse for that.

A buddy once confided that he had a place in Orange County he went to a lot with his dates. One time, in particular, he took a date to this favorite spot of his, only to find one of his exes there with her girlfriends, sharing drinks and some laughs. Things between my friend and this ex didn’t end so well. He cheated on her, his ex ended up making a bee-line to their table and started telling him off, while also going off about his cheating ways to his date. Needless to say, the date didn’t end so smoothly and they never saw each other again. A Few First Date Ideas That Don’t Suck The first date is about getting to know someone else and even getting out of your comfort zone. With that in mind here are a few cool first date ideas that don’t suck. Do something with your date that they can teach you about. Maybe they like the symphony. Maybe, they like to cook. a class or an event that your date can share their knowledge or where you can both learn together is always going to be fun Take a tour of a place you’re both interested in. Whether it’s a museum or city architecture, or something similar, it’s bound to be educational and fun of course things aren’t going super well, you’ll have both gotten at least a little something out of the date. Play games together. A lot more pubs and bars seem to have board-games onhand.

Playing a game while having drinks is a great way to lower tension levels and really get to know each other while talking smack and having some fun. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook4Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Date Ideas, Dates & Details, Tips & Advice Tagged in: first date, first date advice The first date with someone potentially really special: cue sweating, fidgety feet, and checking your phone every 20 seconds on the dot to be sure that you definitely got the time and place correct. Thanks to the internet, first dates are nerve-wracking, but nowhere near as difficult as they used to be. And chances are, a first date is not any longer a standard movie + dinner affair: meeting at the pub for a drink, a visit to a museum or gallery, or going to experience a show are all relatively normal dates. This does bring on outfit dilemmas, but don’t fear – the Urban Dater has got you covered. Ladies Regardless of the type of date you are going on, your priority should be choosing an outfit in which you feel comfortable, confident, and cute.

a patterned skater or maxi dress, paired with a cardigan and pendant necklace creates a look that is posh, yet approachable. If the date involves being active, like going for a walk or playing sports, opt for a classic pair of jeans in your favourite cut, paired with a camisole tank top (if it’s warm) or embellished jumper (if it’s cold) and a sharp blazer. The ultimate question for many women, according to self-help author and dating expert Chiara Atik, is whether to wear heeled shoes or flats. Really, it entirely depends on your personal style and comfort. Biker boots are going to be more appropriate for a gig than your stiletto sandals, but if you like wearing high heels and your date involves plenty of sitting down, wear them. Alternatively, ballerina flats and slouchy boots work well with any outfit.   Gentlemen Fortunately for you, the majority of gents could have fewer footwear dilemmas than ladies, but don’t get complacent. According to a recent survey, British men will spend up to £130 on grooming and styling ready for a first date, including haircuts. Standard first date outfits are easily customisable according to your personal style: a nice long-sleeved button down shirt with jeans, a cozy jumper, and converse trainers will do for a casual daytime date. By contrast, for a trip to a gallery or an evening dinner date, swap your jumper for a snazzy blazer and leather boots or brogues work well – don’t forget to polish them before you leave! Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

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